BookView Review

Welcome to BookView Interview, a conversation series where BookView talks to authors.

Recently, we talked to Gary Trew about his writing and recently released book, The Hate Game: Screaming in the Silence – A Memoir, a powerful and deep exploration of how strength can come from vulnerability. (Read the review here).

When did you know it was time to write your life story and experiences into a collected work, and publish The Hate Game?

I didn’t. I had worked long hours for several years in a challenging profession (child protection), and I loved to help protect kids and empower families (the very thing I needed in my childhood). I have an elephant’s memory for some things and forever told stories to friends and family about my family’s lives. At first, I wrote it from beginning to end, then stepped away from it for a few months, returned to the manuscript and felt it was better to break it into two books. I collected stories and quotes from ex-school kids, and they corroborated that what I went through made them feel the same way. I had it easy compared to some. When I shared stories about the Knoll School with listeners, the feedback was almost always a shock. I left several stories out of the book as they were too gnarly to share; I also left out some hilarious stories that friends were a part of as it would cause them too much embarrassment. I had blocked much of what had occurred from my mind. Thankfully, I felt it was time to share my story with healing. If nothing else, at least my children and future generations can read about their granddad and his life in the 1970s.

Who and what ultimately inspired you to write your memoir?

I had shared stories with numerous people and had pushed memories to the back of my mind. PTSD does that. As a social worker in child protection, I came face to face with my past on several occasions. I had a “Eureka” moment interviewing a young teen who had (thankfully) failed to take her own life: her story was my story, and I started to come to terms with what had transpired during my adolescence. Two of my four daughters wanted me to share my story, and I decided to do so. My extended family were very resistant to me sharing truths with the world as it wasn’t the “British” way to be transparent about the past. The school experience was shocking, and rather than bury it, I chose to tell my story. The writing of The Hate Game was a cathartic experience, albeit painful but funny.

If you could go back in time and tell your younger self one thing, what would it be?

Gary, seek out safe people to share your darn feeling with. Screaming in the silence of my mind was not healthy for my mind, body and spirit. I should have trusted my mum, especially when the sports coach targeted me. Back in the day, there were no homeschool or online schooling opportunities—we had to embrace the suck. I also wish that I would have helped younger pupils with their journey. I was so focused on survival that I didn’t see what was happening in other pupils’ lives. I also wish that I would have taken a stand and stood up to the bullies rather than try to be the invisible or grey man.

What is the biggest challenge you’ve faced as a writer?

Definitely “imposter syndrome.” I worked most of my life and deciding to write a book, or two was a nice dream. However, my writing journey was far from straightforward. When I engage with people, they often find me humorous, and a career in stand-up comedy would have been a more straightforward path. However, the writing industry is notoriously challenging, and finding an agent has been immensely frustrating. Unfortunately, success in this industry often depends on having the right connections rather than solely on talent and knowledge. I have biochemistry, chemistry and social work degrees—not the best qualifications to write fiction or even a memoir. That said, I made sure that I invested in a good editor and beta reading team who helped me on my journey.

The editor of The Hate Game, who is also a creative writing professor at two universities, gave me a wonderful compliment. She said, “If you were one of my undergrad students or even in a master’s program for creative writing, I would give you top marks. This is some of the best debut writing I have come across, and I’ve seen thousands of manuscripts in my career.” I say this sincerely, not to brag, but to share the day that the feeling of “imposter syndrome” left me. It was high praise indeed. Of course, one man’s meat is another’s poison. Much like the flavours of ice cream, I hate chocolate or banana but adore coffee and cherry (yum yum). Some (like my editor) will like my writing; conversely, it may not be others’ cup of tea.

I can improve, learn more, receive input, and create a better result. The obsession with finding a literary agent to represent us newbies is painful. Agents want us to have half a million followers, connections to the industry, or celebrity status. Often, it’s a case of who you know rather than what you know. Don’t let rejections hinder you. You do you—and enjoy the journey. Many writers have talent yet have not had the breaks or opportunities others have had. Look at John Kennedy Toole’s classic, A Confederacy of Dunces. Rejected so many times by agents and publishers, he tragically took his own life. His mother was convinced that his manuscript was worthy of publishing and, after many years, got a book deal. Stick with it. Write away, join a local writer’s club, find an editor within your budget, and don’t be too hard on yourself. Get your story out there, make it the best representation of you, and then give yourself a pat on the back.

Which scenes or chapters in the book are your favorite? Why?

This is a tough question. The chapter that makes me giggle every time I think about how nutty I was post-meningitis, was “Meet the Parents.” I still can’t believe that I (rather, Billy and I) formally met Charlotte’s parents the way that we did. Who in their right mind would do such a thing? I also enjoyed the chapter on mumps, as it reminds me of how witty (and annoying) my mother was. Despite all her childhood trauma, she had the kindest heart and a playful and teasy sense of humour. As discussed in I Think I Killed My Dad, I was not that close with my mum; I was a daddy’s boy yet we became very close a year or so after my dad’s death.

What is your greatest failure? What did you learn from that failure?

Messing my 11-Plus was my greatest failure, and it became the foundation of the worst few years of my life (attending the Knoll School) and a continuing ‘catch-up’ in terms of my education. It took me years to be honest with myself and come to terms with my adverse childhood experiences. The other colossal failure was my inability to give back love to those who deserved it during the decade after meningitis. I probably hurt a lot of people during that time due to the brain trauma. I was oblivious until I woke up from the dream and realised that “something happened.” I felt sick when I realised that I had been so devoid of feelings and emotions. Continuously repeating the same mistake is akin to a descent into madness. Making mistakes is a natural part of life; however, the key lies in extracting valuable lessons from them.

What do you hope readers will take away from this story?

Amidst darkness, pain, and feelings of utter hopelessness, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Enduring a dreadful school experience and a season of darkness in my family life, I found solace in dreaming and creating escape routes in my mind. After wasting five years at a secondary school (high school), I gained university degrees, one with distinction, in very different subjects (biochemistry, chemistry, and social work). I also went from being an atheist to a believer in God—a giant quantum leap. My transformation was also evident in being insular and angry and becoming outgoing, happy, and transparent. In a zillion years, I would have never thought I would pursue a career in social work and child protection. I did, and I loved working in this area. The easy way out was to take my life; I didn’t. Despite having ups and downs throughout my life, I look back and am proud of my resilience; I’m thankful for my sense of humour that helped me laugh through the darkness and the good and joyous times.

What are your favourite books?

I have a very eclectic taste. Here are my top 15 favourite books/series—in no order:

1. Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt

2. Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris

3. Cancer Ward by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

4. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller

5. Bad Monkey by Carl Hiaasen

6. The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky

7. I’ll Be Gone in the Dark by Michelle McNamara

8. Band of Brothers by Stephen Ambrose

9. Memoirs Of The Second World War by Winston Churchill

10. The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls

11. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

12. A Game of Thrones 5-Book Boxed Set by George R. R. Martin

13. Red Dragon by Thomas Harris

14. The Stand by Stephen King

15. The Mechanical by Ian Tregillis

What’s next for you?

I have written the second part of the memoir as a prequel. I share about my quirky yet dysfunctional family and my dad’s calamitous decisions during the 1960s. Thankfully, I had a lot of input from my older brother, which was very helpful. For many years, I was convinced that I was responsible for my dad’s death, so naming the memoir “I Think I Killed My Dad” was relatively easy. It’s a funny narrative from the perspective of a young boy before attending the notorious Knoll School. This was way more fun to write, as looking back wasn’t so traumatic and highlighted how funny, strange and loving my family were back in the day. The manuscript will be sent to my editor and, hopefully, released before the end of the year.

I wear two hats and write darkly humorous crime fiction under the pen name Denny Darke. I published The Man with the Pink Sombrero in January 2024 and, while on location in Mexico, wrote a second humorous book about a serial killer in Nova Scotia who chooses his victims because of his love for cats.

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