Welcome to BookView Interview, a conversation series where BookView talks to authors.
Recently, we talked to Paul Dunion about his writing and his recently published book, Family: In Search For Genuine Belonging, that offers profound insights into navigating family dynamics for healing and growth, emphasizing the impact of early experiences and family relationships on individual development. (Read the review here).
Paul Dunion, EdD, is a teacher, author, and psychological healer committed to remaining mind- ful of life as a mysterious and unpredictable journey. A steadfast believer in the power of community, Paul founded Boys to Men, a mentoring program for teenage boys, and COMEGA, the semi-annual Connecticut Men’s Gathering now in its 30th year of service. Paul currently is a Senior Consultant and Transformative Faculty with Mobius Executive Leadership. Paul has spent over forty years offering therapeutic support to folks committed to interrupting the darker elements of family legacies as well as holding on to the best of those legacies. Storytelling, facilitat- ing and writing are some of Paul’s strongest gifts. He regularly contributes to various online platforms. Family: In Search of Genuine Belonging is his eighth book. Paul lives in eastern Connecticut with his wife, Connie, and dog, Kody.
At what point did you know it was time to put your knowledge and expertise into this book, and publish Family: In Search of Genuine Belonging for the public’s access?
Well, I don’t typically think in terms of my alleged knowledge and expertise. My writing is an inquiry. I have some hunches, and I want to understand a topic like family or belonging with more depth, which is what my writing allows me to do. In regard to this book, I was very curious about the nature of boundaries, where we learn them and how they define a family and for that matter any group committed to a common purpose.
What was the process like of putting together the full book of Family?
I started to notice that I was teaching several aspects of family life with some relatively unique perspectives. Also, students were responding very favorably to the material and it made sense to pull the pieces together and make it available for a larger audience.
The concept of boundaries is an important one in Family and is explored at length. What interests you about the concept of boundaries in human relationships?
I have been extremely interested in the concept of boundaries. First of all, it got my attention that not one person I counseled had a clue about what makes a boundary ineffective or effective. Boundaries control the flow of love, affection, support, problem-solving, decision-making and collaboration. It increasingly became clear that people learn about boundaries because their family of origin either leaned in the direction of being enmeshed or estranged.
What’s one thing you wish you could tell anyone struggling with the patterns informing their family background?
Certainly, that there is no perfect family. To be born in a family means something favorable will be given to you and something will be taken from you. The key is to get honest about what was given and what was taken. Then, hold gratitude for what was given and be curious about what the loss you experienced is asking for.
Have you learned anything about yourself through the process of writing Family? Especially anything that surprised you?
I learned that my own family of origin went through a transition from being fairly enmeshed to being quite estranged which surprised me. I also learned how committed I was to creating my own family in a way that would not be burdened by extreme estrangement. That is one of my life’s greatest failures.
When you aren’t writing, what or who do you enjoy reading?
I enjoy reading James Hollis, Pat Conroy, John O’Donohue. Richard Rohr, Parker Palmer, and Padraig O Tuama.
What’s next for you as a writer?
I’m currently writing a manuscript entitled Living Intimately – Devotionally Serving the Generous Moment. It is the largest inquiry I’ve embarked upon and the largest joy of my writing career.
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BookView Review 